Tag Archives: thoughts

Thoughts: Chivalry.

Chivalry is a game which has, in my opinion, made a huge marketing misstep. The trailer advertising the game on Steam is this; a dreary, dull and depressing montage of heavily-armoured men hitting each other in slow motion over and over and over. Not only is this doing the game a disservice by implying that it is boring, but it doesn’t even remotely reflect the overall tone of the game. What the developers should do – if they want to shift any more copies, which they should – is replace it on their Steam page with this, the video that sold the game to me and several other people I know. It’s far more representative of what the game is like: an utterly ridiculous human dismemberment simulator that has turned its low production values into a distinct advantage. Nothing in Chivalry is taken seriously; you half expect the level backdrops to fall over if pushed slightly too hard, but it’s all played for laughs. Yes, even though it features some of the most horrible FPS deaths this side of Soldier of Fortune, Chivalry is never not funny. It’s bloody and violent in the same way that the Black Knight from Monty Python is bloody and violent, and that goes a long way towards making me like it.

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Thoughts: Borderlands 2.

I’ve made a mistake in my treatment of the Borderlands series. I rated the original based on the fact that it was a very bad single-player game that became tolerable once you added a couple of friends to the mix, and while this is more-or-less true it’s not really how the series should be approached. Borderlands isn’t a single-player game with a co-op mode, it’s a co-op game you can play on your own if you want — although you never ever should because it’d be a lot like playing through an MMO on your own; without other people to distract you the soul-crushing pointlessness of what you’re doing comes to the fore and drives you insane. If the game is approached from this perspective then the dull and repetitive solo experience suddenly doesn’t seem like such a big problem1. So there’s a disclaimer on this review: I’m not reviewing the single-player mode of Borderlands 2. It’s not awful but it is painfully average, and I don’t think you should play it if you’re without a group of friends who can carry you through it.

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  1. And it is dull and repetitive, as I discovered when I had to play catch-up on my own from the start of the game through to level eleven.
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Thoughts: Hotline Miami.

Hotline Miami is an extremely puzzling game.

Well, no, that’s not quite right. Hotline Miami is a fairly straightforward game; I’ve played it for just under three hours, finished it, and have a reasonably good hold on what the game is about now. It’s a top-down murder simulator with extreme psychotic/psychedelic tendencies, a bloody and warped window into yesteryear that would probably make me feel quite ill if the graphics weren’t intentionally primitive enough to make it clear you’re playing a video game. What I don’t understand about Hotline Miami is the amount of critical buzz it’s getting. It’s one of those games which crops up every now and again; one of the ones which makes certain stylistic choices that cause games journalists to perceive it as something rather more arty than your average game, and consequently abandon their critical faculties in favour of writing the most godawful adulatory purple prose you ever did see, which is why most Hotline Miami reviews read something like this:

You slam the door into a guard walking by it. He falls to the floor, stunned briefly, at which point you jump onto his chest and beat him to death. You grab the crowbar he dropped, sprint to a wall to remain out of sight. You watch and wait as two more guards patrol up ahead. One has a gun, the other a bat. When the latter has his back to you, you sprint fowards, throwing the crowbar as you go to stun the one with the gun. You punch the second one to the ground, grab the crowbar then beat them both to death with it when they stand up again.

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Diablog: Torchlight 2.

INTERIOR: A well-lit tavern. The sound of quaffing and carousing fills the air, along with the twangs of some unmentionable stringed instrument. The camera focuses in on one table to reveal three men deep in discussion. Observing the noble cut of their clothes, the fine pleating of their beards and the ostentatious jangle of their chains and jewellery, one would suppose these gentlemen to be talking of matters of great import, of the rise of kingdoms or the fall of grain prices. We zoom in further, to reveal they’re…talking about Torchlight 2.

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Disshonored: Dishonored.

Can you make a game out of nothing but neat touches? This is a question that I had hitherto not really considered before buying and playing Dishonored, a game which appears to be the answer. The world and art style are neat, but simply having an interesting world doesn’t make a game on its own. The profusion of secrets and easter eggs scattered throughout the various levels and missions are neat, but the definition of a secret is that it’s secret. You can’t build a game around secrets. The way the various powers can interact with the world and with each other are neat, but these are the tools you use to tackle the game and their utility/entertainment value is contingent on the game providing you with the appropriate opportunities to use them. It is both a testament to just how many neat touches there are in Dishonored and a damning indictment of how rotten and worm-ridden the underlying structure they’re bolted to is that the whole thing doesn’t instantly come crashing down around the player’s ears. Instead it takes, oooh, a good seven hours for that to happen. So I guess you can make a game out of nothing but neat touches. Temporarily, anyway.

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Thoughts: XCOM.

This is it. This is the game I have been waiting for ever since it was announced at the start of the year, and for a good decade before that. Watching literally every single attempt to “update” XCOM for the modern generation over the last ten years has been a painful experience, and I was more than a little aghast when it seemed like the official update would be a first-person shooter with lots of conveniently-placed waist-high cover. Then Firaxis said they were making a proper tactical squad-based TBS, and everyone rejoiced. Then Firaxis mentioned the things they were going to change – no time units, only one base, unlimited reloads on the guns, to mention just a few of them – and everyone said “Er.” Or at least I did. The lead designer on XCOM, Jake Solomon, did an excellent job of explaining the reasoning behind Firaxis’s tinkering and at least left open the possibility that it might not be a total disaster, so while I wasn’t all that hopeful for the game I decided to reserve judgement until I actually played it.  

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Thoughts: Carrier Command.

Oh dear. I did so hope this was going to be good. I never played the original Carrier Command what with not having crawled out of the primordial ooze along with the choanoflagellates and eurkaryotes all those eons ago. However I did play the 2001 homage, Hostile Waters. Hostile Waters was a very difficult game, but the Warren Ellis-penned storyline, the cast of Brit sci-fi actors and the chip-stored personalities of the soldiers all meshed together with the action strategy gameplay rather well and ensured I still think fondly of it today despite never managing to beat the ridiculously hard final mission. Bohmeia Interactive’s remake of Carrier Command had a lot to live up to if it was ever going to match the reputation of the original, let alone Hostile Waters. Carrier Command: Pointless Subtitle certainly looks the part, with the best graphics Bohemia can throw at it as well as dynamic weather effects adding a frisson of unpredictability to the environment, but how does it play?

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