Testicular Torsion Physics.

Longbranch Pennywhistle asks

What do you know of Newtonian Torsion physics?  Is there a reason this information isn’t more widely known or even distributed?

Here is some info I found, not all inclusive by any means but does this hold any credence?


Okay, whoever you are, I want you to know you have earned my undying hatred for three reasons:

1)      Bringing this to my attention. I would have happily gone my entire life without knowing this crackpot theory ever existed.

2)      Asking me to look at something that doesn’t have a summary article on Wikipedia (although this is for a very good reason), thus forcing me to do some work and actually read the damn lunatic’s paper.

3)      Setting me up for an inevitable argument with said lunatic in the comments section of this piece, since this is just the sort of asshole who would type the name of his pet theory into Google to see if anyone is talking about it.

I’m going to be honest here, I didn’t read the whole thing. I got to about page 34 before my brain made this noise.

and I had to stop before my mind broke under the strain and the dark star-spawn of Yog-Sothoth used it as a interdimensional gateway to enter and consume our world. The first sentence — the very first sentence – provides a glimmer of the horror the author is about to unleash on an unsuspecting humanity:

The purpose of this book is to explore concepts related to FREE Energy and the control of Gravity/Antigravity that are based entirely within the framework of extended classical Newtonian physics called Newtonian Torsion Physics.

Free energy? Antigravity? Entirely within the framework of Newtonian physics? Oh, do please tell me more, Mr. Alek. Or maybe don’t, seeing as how by the time I ran screaming from your “book” you’d already notched up 178 equations in an attempt to obfuscate the fact that you have no goddamn idea what you’re talking about. I used to teach an undergraduate student like you. Every time he submitted a lab report it’d be in the form of a stack of about 40 pages of poorly-formatted data tables that contained no useful information whatsoever; I think the intent was perhaps that I just wouldn’t bother reading them all and give him a 2:1 out of sheer exasperation. I hated his guts for making me slog through all those tables, but what they revealed was a startling lack of any kind of grasp of basic physics or the scientific method. Just like your book, Mr. Alek. Just like your book.

Not that I had to make sense of the equations in order to understand that the person who wrote them would be more suited to a different field – one where the ability to make up meaningless yet impressive-sounding bollocks is useful, like homeopathy – rather than physics, or science, or any kind of adult profession. When I read a sentence that says the gravity problem, which is one that has eluded and will continue to elude the smartest people on the planet for a couple of centuries, has been solved using nothing more than classical Newtonian physics I can quite confidently say that whoever wrote it has no more than a secondary school grounding in physics. You see, Newtonian physics isn’t correct. It works as an approximation for pretty much everything your average human is likely to encounter in their day-to-day lives, but if you tried to travel through space using nothing more than Newtonian mechanics you would quickly come a cropper because large masses like stars and planets are governed by the rules of general relativity, not Newtonian mechanics. Neither can you use Newtonian mechanics to predict how quantum particles will behave; that’s the preserve of quantum mechanics.  Any theory explaining gravity has to incorporate these two different, diametrically opposing scientific theories, not bloody Newtonian mechanics.

So that’s fuckin’ balls; later on I got to the bit where mass apparently fluctuates according to the strength of the gravitational field it’s in, which is hilarious because a) rest mass is invariant (he thinks you get magic energy as a body goes into freefall and gains kinetic energy, but that’s already accounted for by gravitational potential energy) and b) it directly contravenes the second law of thermodynamics. But then I guess this little theory isn’t too concerned with the second law of thermodynamics. Free/perpetual energy theories never are; they just ignore it like its some little inconvenience rather than possibly the most immutable scientific law in existence. Then the theory tries to rewrite Einstein’s principle of equivalence. Fucking Einstein, a man who got several things wrong but whose work on relativity was revelatory (ha) and largely correct. That’s a lot of established scientific theory you’re contradicting there, sport; you mind backing that up with some kind of experimental evidence? Oh wait you can’t because Newtonian Torsion Physics doesn’t exist. It is a figment of the author’s imagination, and the only thing separating him from the Nibiru woman is that he shows a passing mathematical familiarity with calculus that he uses to do unholy things to established physical concepts.

And that’s that, really. I didn’t feel like inflicting any more of the document on myself, but: no I don’t know anything about Newtonian Torsional Physics, because it’s bollocks. The reason this information isn’t more widely known or widely distributed is because it’s bollocks. It is barely disguised pseudo-science meant to entrap the gullible, like Steorn. And what are Steorn doing now?

On 1 April 2010 Steorn opened an online development community, called the Steorn Knowledge Development Base (SKDB), which they said would explain their technology.[32] Access is available only under licence on payment of a fee.

Still conning people out of their money. Pseudo-science is something perpetrated by either confidence tricksters or the insane; I’m not sure which category this guy falls into, but it doesn’t really matter. It. Is. Bollocks.

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2 thoughts on “Testicular Torsion Physics.

  1. Smurf says:

    Putting ‘Newtonian’ in the title of your theory instantly makes it sound more credible.

    Newtonian Tree Physics.
    Captian Newtonian and the Magic Duck Physics.

  2. Longbranch Pennywhistle says:

    My deepest apologies for inflicting this horror on to you, I by no means intended it! I was just curious as there is little info out there, and now I know why. Shame on me for not doing the leg work, but in reality, I probably wouldn’t know wtf was going on anyways, thus I deferred to you. To make it up to you I’ll sit quietly in my corner, pointy hat and all. Thank you for taking the time though, again, no physical harm intended!

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