I’m glad Bastion was the first new game I played this year. I’m doubly glad that I went into it relatively ignorant of what it was actually about, because I suspect that if I’d actually listened to half of the gushing word-of-mouth opinions about it I wouldn’t have liked it half as much as I did. Bastion is a charming little game with some hefty flaws but also some great ideas, and it’s one that’s put me in a very good mood for the rest of 2012.
And die they do; by the hundreds – by the thousands – they trudge slowly into the maw of a nightmarish trap network where they are cut, stabbed, sliced, shot, sprung, burned, bashed, poisoned and drugged. Kobolds try to scurry over and under but get bogged down in treacle-like tar. Ogres attempt to smash their way through only to wander over a trapped floor panel which springs them back to the start of the gauntlet (or, if it’s available, into some acid). And any Gnolls who successfully hunt down their chief tormentor tend to find him standing under a giant swinging mace that inexplicably misses him and gibs them.
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Most reviews of Skyrim, if they’re being honest, will start with some sort of disclaimer that states how far the reviewer has gotten into the game and what they have and haven’t done. This is fair enough; while I’d usually prefer that they finish it games journalists are busy people and Skyrim is a huge game. It’s simply not possible for them to see the whole thing if they want to get their review out while it’s still relevant. So most reviews of Skyrim, if they’re being honest, have been written on the basis of a dozen or so hours with the game.
Mine hasn’t.
I’ve always had something of a soft spot for the Fable games. I used to think I had this view in spite of myself, that the Fables somehow bypassed my quality control despite being objectively fairly bad. However, after playing some monumentally awful games this year I’ve had an epiphany: the Fable series is actually exceptionally well made when compared to other games which try the same thing. In particular Overlord tries to do the comedy fantasy RPG thing and falls flat on its face over and over again, and it ends up making the player hate it. Fable III on the other hand was moderately amusing at regular enough intervals that I didn’t begrudge it the attempt at all.
Or: How I finally became convinced all level designers working in mainstream video games need to be lined up against a wall and shot.
