Tag Archives: thoughts

Thoughts: Tribes Ascend.

Ever heard of a Skinner box? You must have at some point; it’s one of those behavioural experiments where an animal is taught to perform a certain action – usually very basic, like pressing a switch — in return for a simple reward such as food. I’ve drawn unflattering comparisons between Skinner boxes and the mechanics of several of the games I’ve reviewed this year, and nowhere is it more apt than in the case of Tribes Ascend. Nowhere is it more regrettable, either, because staggering beneath the weight of the enormous piles of equipment unlocks and the experience point grinds required to obtain them is an extremely competent multiplayer shooter that’s struggling to escape the shadow of its free-to-play genetics.

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Thoughts: Wargame.

Wargame: European Escalation (henceforth referred to as Wargame because honestly) suffers from an affliction similar to many of its peers; a horrible disease I have dubbed Total War Syndrome. The most telling symptom of TWS is that all the publicity screenshots for the game tend to be close-ups of the action like the one headlining this review. The military hardware and the explosions are all very photogenic if you’re into that sort of thing, but that kind of picture is actually a little bit useless from a marketing point of view because all it tells the person looking at it is that Wargame is a game with nice graphics. Lots of games these days have nice graphics. Nice graphics do not make Wargame stand out from the crowd in any way, and this was particularly telling when somebody asked me the following question as I was talking about the game:

“What is it actually about?”

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Thoughts: Swords And Sworcery.

Hate. Let me tell you how much I’ve come to hate you since I began to play. There are over a billion miles of DNA in microscopic cells that fill my body. If the word ‘hate’ was engraved on every chromosome of those hundreds of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for videogames at this micro-instant. For you, Swords and Sworcery. Hate. Hate.

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Thoughts: Legend Of Grimrock.

Despite my old-school Atari/Amiga background I never played Dungeon Master – I think the closest I ever got was the actually-not-that-bad Knightmare – and so while I was familiar with the theory of how the first-person dungeon crawling genre worked, I had very little experience of it in practice. I wasn’t quite sure how Grimrock would play, and I wasn’t sure how much the developers would have tinkered with the mechanics in order to make it palatable to our modern gaming tastes. Turns out I needn’t have worried; Legend of Grimrock is incredibly old school in tone even if some of the fine detail has had a fresh coat of paint plastered on top, and it’s all the better for it.

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Thoughts: Trine 2.

You know, I was halfway hoping I could use the pun “Trine 2 hard” somewhere in this review. I can’t, though, because Trine 2 doesn’t try at all. I didn’t like the original that much because it wasn’t anywhere near as clever as it could have been, but it was charming and managed to make stacking boxes on top of each other just about as fun as it can be, so I let it slide. Unfortunately for Trine 2 it can’t get away with merely doing the same thing all over again. It has to iterate. It has to develop the gameplay somewhat to justify me forking out another £6 for it. It really, really doesn’t.

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Thoughts: Hack, Slash, Loot.

I thought it’d be impossible to feel short-changed on a game that cost £3. Three quid won’t even get you a bus ticket these days; it is a small enough quantity that I effectively parse it as “no money”. No money. Hack Slash Loot cost me almost no money, and I’m still slightly annoyed I bought it.

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Thoughts: Bulletstorm.

There’s a parody trailer for Bulletstorm that was put on Youtube in the runup to the game’s release. In it, the developers (People Can Fly) mercilessly savage the staid, sterile, formulaic tropes present in the Call of Duty series and its imitators: linear levels, identikit enemies, identikit weapons, being told to go here and do this, people who are on your side dying tragically, slow motion sequences in which you take out a particularly heinous enemy, the whole works. At the time People Can Fly were trying to promote Bulletstorm as a “Fun” Person Shooter, where the priority was given to making a bright, colourful game for the player to enjoy rather than another dull military shooter set in brownland. Bulletstorm was supposed to be more in keeping with the Serious Sam/(old) Duke Nukem games; an over-the-top shooter experience where you’re given a bunch of ludicrously overpowered weapons and told to go to town on the enemy. Which is why, having finally played it now, I’m a little surprised to discover that Bulletstorm falls into many of the stock FPS cliches it so consciously mocked in the marketing.

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